Internal Family Systems (IFS) | Trauma Counseling in Texas, Washington and Florida
Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) for Trauma Healing
Internal Family Systems is a very gentle approach to healing trauma. While working with a traumatic experience, if the client shuts down or gets triggered, that indicates they are out of their window of tolerance. Keeping a client within the window of tolerance is extremely essential for healing to happen.
With the help of Internal Family Systems (IFS), we work with different parts within our system, which helps the therapist keep the client within their window of tolerance.
I am an Internal Family Systems trained therapist. I work with adults located in Texas and Washington State who are struggling with childhood trauma and relationship trauma.
What Is Internal Family Systems?
In Internal Family Systems therapy, we believe that there is a family of parts within us that has been formed over the years because of our experiences with the world around us.
The founder of IFS, Dr. Richard Schwartz, divided the mind into different subparts and worked with each subpart as a family member within the person. These subparts have their own emotions and their own purpose. None of the parts are bad—they are simply working toward their own goals.
- In traditional talk therapy we talk about the experience and feelings.
- In IFS therapy, we talk to the parts that have gone through the experience and still hold the feelings.
Example: If you were in a traumatic relationship, you may now be out of it—but parts that were formed during that relationship can still show up and take over your current life, making choices for you.
In IFS, we make space for those parts and get curious about them:
- What is their role in your life?
- What are they trying to accomplish?
- How are they doing that?
- What are they worried about might happen if they stop?
Internal Family Systems is an experiential process. We don’t assume anything. We let the parts tell us their story, and we meet them with compassion and curiosity, ready to listen, understand, and connect.
Learn more about EMDR and Parts Work
What Are the Different Parts?
All of us have many different parts, and these parts are unique to our experiences. However, they are usually divided into three categories:
Exiles
- The wounded parts that carry shame, fear, hurt, and deep pain.
- These are the parts that were hurt by past experiences and still carry the emotions connected to them.
Managers
- The protective parts that manage daily life so we can function as expected by our environment.
- Their role is to keep the exiles away from us to protect us from pain.
Examples of managers:
- The people-pleasing part
- The planning part
- The self-critic part
Example: When you sense someone is upset, you may do everything you think they want to appease them. The people-pleasing manager does this to prevent abandonment, which would otherwise trigger the exile’s pain.
Firefighters
- Firefighters show up when managers cannot contain the exiles and their pain.
- They aim to prevent emotional pain at any cost.
Examples of firefighter behaviors include:
- Overspending
- Addictions
- Binge eating
- Suicidal ideation
Example: When you feel shame, anxiety, or fear that you are losing control—or when someone is upset with you—you may notice yourself binge eating or spending hours shopping online.
What Is the Self in Internal Family Systems?
According to IFS, everyone has a core Self. The Self is genuine, filled with healing qualities, and has no agenda like the other parts.
We are all born with the healing energy of Self. But as life unfolds and exiles and protector parts develop, the Self blends in with those parts, and we lose access to it.
The 8 C’s of Self (IFS Qualities)
- Compassion
- Calmness
- Curiosity
- Clarity
- Confidence
- Courage
- Connectedness
- Creativity
The Self is capable of healing the wounded parts, connecting with the managers and firefighters, and giving them new purposes. This lowers the intensity of their hold on our system.
The goal of IFS is to create a Self-led system, where all the parts are still present but look to the Self for guidance instead of hijacking your system.
Is Internal Family Systems Right for You?
IFS therapy is for anyone who wants to dig deeper and create meaningful, lasting changes from within.
How Does IFS Work?
IFS does not require clients to share their history if it is too triggering. It is a compassionate, calm, and patient approach.
I divide the work into three broad categories:
- Unblending
- Befriending
- Unburdening
We all have many different parts—some we may not even be aware of.
The Process of IFS Therapy
- This approach focuses on the parts that present themselves. We turn attention to the part the client is most curious about, always with permission from the client’s system.
- If the system is not ready, we focus on the part that has hesitation or concern.
- The first step is unblending the client from the part. We know this has happened if the client can access Self energy.
If the client is not able to unblend (which is common), the therapist holds Self energy and befriends the part. When the client can access Self energy, the therapist facilitates the Self-to-part relationship.
Then the Self stays curious and learns more about the part’s fear:
- What is its origin?
- What is its story?
- What exile is it working so hard to keep away?
When ready, we begin working with the exile—holding space for it with compassion and understanding.
Finally, when the exile is ready, we retrieve it from the memory to the present and unburden it from the weight it has been carrying.
The Goal of Internal Family Systems
IFS allows you to:
- Hold space as an observer of your parts
- Notice them without pushing them away
- Develop compassion toward your parts
- Appreciate them for what they have done for you
Internal Family Systems is a journey where all your parts connect with each other and work with the Self to facilitate healing.
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Using IFS with EMDR
I also combine IFS therapy with EMDR therapy in my practice. Both modalities help clients access parts, process memories, and loosen the grip of trauma so that healing can take place safely.
FAQ: Internal Family Systems Therapy
When people are exploring Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, they often wonder how it works, what makes it different, and whether it can really help with their struggles. Below are answers to some of the most common questions clients ask about IFS.
What is IFS therapy and how does it work?
IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a gentle approach that views your mind as made up of different “parts.” These can include protective parts, anxious parts, or wounded younger parts. In therapy, we get curious about each part, understand its role, and help it feel safe. Over time, this reduces inner conflict and allows your core Self—calm, compassionate, and confident—to lead the way.
In short: IFS helps you get to know your inner parts, reduce conflict, and connect with your calm, compassionate Self.
Can IFS help with anxiety, depression, or trauma?
Yes. Anxiety often comes from protectors working overtime to keep you safe. Depression may be carried by parts burdened with sadness, shame, or hopelessness. Trauma can leave younger parts stuck in painful experiences. IFS helps you gently heal these parts, so you can feel lighter, calmer, and more present in your life.
In short: IFS can ease anxiety, depression, and trauma by healing the parts of you that carry fear, sadness, and pain.
Is IFS right for me if I haven’t tried therapy before?
Absolutely. You don’t need any previous therapy experience to benefit from IFS. The process moves at your pace—you’ll never be pushed to go deeper than you’re ready for. Many people new to therapy find IFS especially supportive because it focuses on curiosity, compassion, and building safety first.
In short: Even if you’re new to therapy, IFS is a gentle and safe place to start.
How does IFS differ from traditional talk therapy?
Talk therapy often focuses on insight and problem-solving. IFS goes deeper by helping you directly connect with your inner world and body sensations. Instead of just analyzing from the outside, you build a compassionate relationship with your parts, which often creates more lasting change.
In short: Talk therapy builds insight; IFS helps you heal from the inside out.
Can IFS be combined with EMDR?
Yes. Many clients benefit from combining these approaches. IFS helps us connect with protectors and wounded parts, while EMDR reprocesses the painful memories those parts may be holding. Used together, they create a safe and effective path to healing.
In short: IFS and EMDR complement each other—one builds safety with your parts, the other heals the memories.
What if I feel overwhelmed or unsure when interacting with my parts?
That’s completely normal. We always start by building grounding tools so you feel safe. Protectors may worry about letting you get close to wounded parts, and that’s okay—we work gently and respectfully with them. You’re always in control of the pace.
In short: Feeling unsure is normal—IFS is paced slowly and safely, with tools to keep you grounded.
Do I have to remember all my memories for IFS to be effective?
No. Healing doesn’t require recalling every detail. Many people don’t have clear memories, especially with childhood neglect or complex trauma. IFS works with the feelings, body sensations, and parts that carry the burdens—whether or not you remember specific events.
In short: You don’t need perfect memory recall—IFS works with feelings and parts, not just events.
Do you offer online IFS therapy?
Yes. I provide online IFS therapy in Texas, Washington, and Florida, so you can meet from home in a private, secure video session.
In short: Convenient, secure telehealth IFS sessions in TX, WA, and FL.
Are you ready to work with your parts?