You might forget details of the experience or the experience itself, but the feelings, physical sensations, and beliefs that were generated take on a life of their own and start influencing your present.

Traumatic experiences also influence our belief system. We tend to develop negative beliefs like:

• “I cannot trust anyone.”

• “I am not lovable.”

• “I will always be alone.”

Traumatic experiences disrupt our body’s ability to regulate emotions. For example, we might be surprised by the intensity of our emotional response to a situation that might have been unpleasant but did not seem threatening.

The first thing I learned in trauma-informed training is that time does not heal trauma.

Unresolved trauma can be triggered several years after the traumatic event, and the beliefs that were formed from those experiences will continue guiding our lives.

What Is Childhood Trauma?

As adults, we tend to rationalize our parents’ actions. We say things like, “They did the best they could,” or “My mom had a lot on her plate.” As an adult you understand your parent’s situation, but as a little girl all you wanted was to be seen and valued.

That emotional absence of your mother—for whatever reason—has resulted in childhood trauma, and the rationalization prevents you from recognizing your pain.

As a young child you develop an understanding that you cannot rely on anyone to take care of you. You can only rely on yourself. You learn to scan the room and meet other people’s needs and not occupy any space as a way to keep yourself safe.

Symptoms of Childhood Trauma

Below are symptoms that people experience because of childhood trauma:

• Feeling helpless, frustrated, and stuck
• Feeling on edge most of the time, without understanding why
• Easily triggered into fight-flight-freeze even when you “know” the situation is safe.
• People pleasing and falling into codependent dynamics
• Difficulty setting boundaries
• Negative self-beliefs that keep you stuck
• Struggling to express your needs—or even know what they are
• Over-independence, difficulty asking for help, and disconnection from others
• Attracting toxic or narcissistic partners
• Anxiety and depression

   

I often describe trauma from emotionally unavailable caregivers as a paper cut. One cut stings but heals. Dozens of paper cuts over years? That becomes a gaping wound. Childhood neglect is like that—it builds slowly, but the wounds shape your whole life.

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Explore individual therapy for relationship issues

These experiences cause you to doubt your own reality. You walk on eggshells. You feel silenced and unseen. Trauma from relationships isn’t limited to romance—it can also come from friendships, siblings, in-laws, or workplace dynamics.

Symptoms of Relationship PTSD

According to DSM, PTSD occurs when someone has been exposed to trauma and their nervous system cannot regulate afterward.

Even after the relationship ends, you may notice symptoms like:

• Ruminating thoughts
  
• Intense disturbing memories
  
• Nightmares or flashbacks
  
• Anxiety, anger, fear, or panic attacks
  
• Overreaction to loud voices or unexpected touch
  
• Sleep and eating difficulties
  
• Blame, shame, or guilt
  
• Isolation from loved ones
  
• Difficulty trusting others—or yourself

   

Often, relationship PTSD is rooted in childhood trauma. If your childhood left you anxious, neglected, or unseen, you are more vulnerable to accepting toxic partners as an adult. Without healing, you may find yourself drawn into similar abusive dynamics over and over again.

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Counseling for Childhood Trauma and Relationship PTSD

One of the goals of trauma counseling is to help you regulate your emotions and stay grounded in the present.

Exposure to a trigger brings up the unprocessed, fragmented parts of the traumatic experience in the form of physical sensations and emotions. Even if your present is safe, your body reacts as if the trauma is happening again.

For example: if your boss disagrees with your idea, instead of calmly advocating for yourself, your self-critic might flood you with shame, telling you that you are not good enough.

My Approach to Trauma Counseling

In our work together, we focus on:

• Re-learning the connection between body sensations and emotions
  
• Naming and honoring what your body is communicating
  
• Recognizing your choices and reclaiming agency. 

• Establishing boundaries and learning it is safe to advocate for your needs
• Healing wounded inner child parts while strengthening your adult self

I use an eclectic approach, including:

• Mindfulness – reconnecting to feelings and body sensations
• Grounding techniques – staying calm in the present
• IFS (Internal Family Systems) – exploring protectors that are maintaining these patterns and your wounded inner child part.
• EMDR – reprocessing memories using EMDR to lower the intensity that comes with those memories.

Ready to Begin Healing?

You don’t have to keep living in survival mode. With trauma counseling, you can connect your past with your present, regulate your emotions, and experience the safety of your current life. Schedule a free consultation for online trauma therapy in Texas, Washington, and Florida.

FAQ: Childhood & Relationship Trauma

Many people come to therapy wondering if the struggles they face today are connected to painful experiences from the past. Below are some of the most common questions I hear about childhood and relationship trauma, and how therapy can help with healing.